I did it!!! I got the job!!!!

Well I got the job I interviewed for on Tuesday!!! Over 160 people applied for the job, and even with no direct experience in hotels/resorts he thought I had the best attitude!!!! :)

I know the other day I mentioned I didnt know if this is what I really wanted to do or not, but looking back I think I was just scared of the change. Learning something new and being around new and different people is quite daunting to me these days. I have had a tendancy to do that over the last few years. Sticking to doing the same things as I am too scared of the change. But after that feedback he gave me, I have a new confidence! Of course im still scared and nervous to start, but I will learn it quick enough.

So I start in 2 weeks. Had to tell my work last night but it was a good feeling. No more late night shifts or 4am starts!!

Feeling so good, I may even post a full body shot later today!! haha. (Might have to do Zumba first).

Feeling Great!!

Well I got through the worst of being sick... Im still not 100% but im finally getting a bit better and even managed to do Zumba again today!!

I have been drinking that Sassy Water (I got the recipe off another blog... cant remember who exactly!!). Its awesome!! Ive been drinking at least 2 litres of it per day and have noticed a difference. Plus I actually look forward to drinking it. (For those who dont know, its 2 litres of water with Ginger, Mint leaves, Cucumber and Lemon in it).

I have started sorting through a few of my emotional issues over the past 2 days as well. Mainly being my issues with relationships etc... After speaking to my mum about it I think I know where my problems are coming from. Its still going to be a long time before I can sort it out completely but its a start.

So all is well on my end. Have been sticking to my points perfectly, and eating a lot more veg and fruit. So hopefully Friday will show some result. If not, wont matter too much as im feeling great anyway!!!

My turn to feel blah...

Well the positive vibes couldnt possibly have kept up for 2 whole weeks straight without me having one shitty day in there...

Today is just not going well for me. My car didnt pass its roadworthy, gonna cost me another 400 dollars tomorrow to get it passed... I had a job interview but after speaking to the company dont know if thats the direction I want to go in after all... Im sick as a dog, so didnt zumba... and I tried to bake healthy ww muffins today and they came out absolutely foul!! (Should have known something suspicious was up when I was putting yoghurt in the mixture!!) Ended up 3 points over today, and now im lying in bed with a blocked nose, feeling fat and not looking forward to going back to work tomorrrow...

Haha, but the thing is, I knew if I came on here and let it all out I would feel much better and then be able to get a good nights sleep, feel better tomorrow and the sun will be shining and the birds will be singing and I will be back to my chirpy happy self :)
(Working so far)

I also think ive made a positive move in blogging on here about my bad day, rather than giving up cos it all seems too hard like my past patterns have been.

Much happier now. Off to get the vicks vapour rub, and smother myself in it to the point where my body will have no choice but to get better :)

OMG a Job Interview... !!!

Im scared, nervous and all I could think of was to come on here to write it down and let it out so I can be positive and confident come 2pm!!!

On my first post on this blog I talked about getting into a job I enjoyed, doing something fun and different. Well I got a call this morning, and I have a job interview at 2pm with a big Cairns resort!!

Im so nervous. I used to work in recruitment so im used to being on the other side of the desk doing the interviews, not being the scared little person stumbling on my words on the other side!!

Its been a long time since ive had an interview. I still remember all the right things to say and what not, its just a matter of getting it all out clearly. I dont know what to wear!!! Ohhh man.

This is a big step for me. Getting a good job is one of the things ive been putting off because I didnt have the confidence to go out there and approach companies. Now I have the confidence to approach them, but an interview is a whole other thing!

Fingers crossed xxx

I finally added some photos!

Ok, it took me a lot of convincing, but I think im finally emotionally capable of having my 'fat' photos on here.

I have spent the past 3 years sorting through all of my photos to ensure that no fat photos ever made it onto the net!! Now I have just spent the last hour looking for one of my worst...

For now I have only added some face shots, not full body. But this is mainly due to me deliberately avoiding full body shots over the years. (Pretty sad for a 23 year old). I will endeavour to take some (bites nails thinking about it!!) and get them on here month by month.

Enjoy!!

Here fishy fishy...

What an awesome day!!!

Started early (5am!!!) and we headed up to Lake Tinnaroo. I had all my food packed and loads of water (normally I would be taking a slab of beer with us...)

It was fantastic! I fished for a few hours. Caught 3 fish, but unfortunately none of them were eating size :( we had our picnic by the water and then I layed on the grass and read a book! Such a relaxing fun day!!

Got home all rejuventaed and thought I would do some Zumba! I shaked and shimmied for nearly 2 hours. It is so much fun! Felt like about 30 mins and I reckon I was more exhausted afterwards than a full on session at gym, but it was still fun!

Now im off to curl up in bed and watch some dvds. Doesnt get much better than this :)

Testing Times...

Today was a big test for me!! I was still proud of myself for making it through a night on the town, but then today I had to get through a day long Shopping trip!!!

Normally im not one to go shopping often. I dont have the money, and I dont fit into what I would like to buy... But I was feeling so good I thought bugger it! Ill go.

And again, proud to say - made it through UNDER my points!! That included a food court lunch and dinner at Maccas!! I decided on Boost Juice and a Salad for lunch, (got all points of their nutrition brochures), then for dinner got a seared chicken burger and had it made with no cheese etc and extra lettuce and stuff and got that with a coffee rather than fries and coke! Very proud as I managed to do this while all my friends were getting chinese containers at food court and quarter pounder meals at maccas!

And to top it off, I found 3 dresses that I loved and bought!!!

So theres another test passed... wonder what tomorrow will bring?? Fishing and away from home all day again, but have an esky full of approved food for me so should be ok :)

I feel young again!!

So as you can see from my previous few posts, being overweight has stopped me from wanting to go out and have fun over the years. Firstly, because I have nothing pretty to wear, and secondly, because I usually spend the entire night looking at all the beautiful girls and feeling down that I cant look like that (yet!)

But last night I decided to head out with the girls. I borrowed a really nice dress and did my hair pretty... nice make up... the works! I planned throughout the day for my alcohol points, and I did Zumba to earn some extras! And I stuck to it! I drank my vodka and water (sounds strange but you get no hangover because you drink one water for every drink technically!!) And I walked straight past that dim sim van at 5am!!

But the best part was that I had fun, didnt feel self concious once and danced up a storm!! :)
Im only 23 and I actually felt that way last night, not like a 50 year old recluse!!!

I have one more night of work (9th night straight....) then 3 days off and we are going fishing up at Lake Tinnaroo! Hopefully ill catch a barra to have on the BBQ!!!

Happy times :)

Do I dare to drink???

Well its a girl from works birthday tonight and all the girls are heading into town for a big night. Im working till 11pm so wasnt going to go, but they have twisted my arm to meet them after work and go in together.

Problem is... do I drink or not?? Will be boring if I dont, but if I do I end up with alcohol points as well as most likely ending up eating badly on my way home from town... (Alcohol seems to make my head think that its ok to eat fried dim sims at 5am...

Hmmm what to do???

The Bucket List

Ok, So I know it seems a bit morbid. But the subject of a Bucket List came up today. (Things you want to do before you kick the bucket). Ive always been one to think that im only young, I have heaps of time! However when a friend of mine was killed at 23 it made me realise how little time we could all have.

Being overweight has stopped me from doing a lot of things over the years, but now that its coming off, there should be no reason I cant do all those things I want to do.

There are so many things I want to try, or things I have done I would like to do more often. Travel, Relationships, Adventure, working with a charity again, doing things for other people, donating blood etc. The list goes on.

So im going to look for a list I can attach to this blog, similar to my ticker (If anyone knows where to find one, let me know). That way I can follow up on how im going.

I dont expect to ever do all the things on my list, (buying a 4 million dollar island for myself for example)... but even if I manage to acheive some it would be awesome!

Once upon a time I set myself a challenge to do something each day that scared the crap out of me. I did that and managed to Bungy Jump, (11 times mind you...) Ride Horses, Race Go karts, Sing karaoke and many more things, but I got lost along the way.

If you were told today was your last day, what would you do?

My names Kayla... and im addicted to Food.

Things have been progressing really well over the past 2 days. Still sticking to my points and fitting in as much exercise as I can around my work (putting in crazy hours at the moment.) But today I hit my first hurdle. I wouldnt really call it a hurdle actually - more of a hike... up temptation mountain!!!

I usually cook meals once a week and have them in containers ready for the week. Well today I was in such a rush to get to work I forgot my dinner. Now for most people this wouldnt be too much of an issue. However I work at McDonalds!!! I was doing a 12 hour shift so i knew it wouldnt be long before I got hungry.

Tricky part is I am the manager of the McCafe. And as a manager we get free food and drinks whenever we want. Most managers love this fact, not me!!! Its hard enough to say no when I have to pay for it, let alone when its thrown in my face and shoved down my throat!!! (OK maybe not to that extent).

So about 4 hours in first tummy rumble comes. Time for some coffee!! 5 hours in, decide to make a seared chicken salad for my dinner with green tea and a fruit bag... Keeps me going for a bit. But then for the last 3 hours every time I would get a muffin out for a customer I would consider taking a small bite out of it before passing it on... I was toasting Banana bread and it smelt so good I was tempted to accidentally break it so I HAD to have it... After blending a frappe I wanted to lick the blender clean!!! Im never like that, but tonight absolutely everything sounded so good...

Pleased to say I did not give in to temptation! (This blog was actually main reason, as I knew I would have to come on here and fess up if I did give in...)

So still going great guns. Got my food packed and ready for tomorrow, and onwards and upwards from here!!

(Buttons on my size 16 work shirt do up comfortably!! Still a little snug but ALMOST there!!)

Mission Possible!!

I have a Mission... My first minor goal.

I now no longer just want to drop a clothes size, I need to!! At the moment I am wearing a size 18 work top. When I started I was a size 16, so I was given 4 work shirts in that size. When that become a little cosy, I bought a bigger size (as any uniforms after original supply are at your own cost.) I only got one shirt, cos I wanted to get back into my 16.

As I work in a coffee shop my uniform cops a bit of wear and tear... Well 3 months later, after a routine of washing my 1 and only shirt 5 times a week it now has a small tear from where it is wearing thing. I am missing a button, and its faded to a gray, rather than the black it should be.

I absolutely REFUSE to buy another 18, as im only roughly 3 kilos off my 16. Could possibly get away with it now, but still just slightly snug.

So my Mission is to lose the 3 kilos, and get comfortable back into my lovely, not torn, black uniform. I figure if I lay off too much bread, drink lots of water, fit in that extra exercise and stick to the plan very strictly - it wont take long. Maximum 2 weeks.

The countdown begins :)

Emotionally I am back off the rollercoaster I was on yesterday. Very positive. I know I can achieve this, and I know how much more I will get out of my life when I get to that goal!! So nothing will stop me now.

The Clothing Meltdown...

So tonight I had a bit of an 'episode'. I will call it my Epic Clothing Meltdown...

As someone that has struggled with my weight over the years, I have plenty of clothes - however most are in smaller sizes from before I put on. When I was smaller I used to go out to nightclubs and pubs reguarly. I was very social and had clothes for every occasion.

As ive gotten bigger, ive refused to buy too many new clothes in bigger sizes, adament that eventually I would fit back into the smaller sizes. This has resulted in my wardrobe being filled with work clothes, gym clothes and space bags filled with my teeny tinies (as I affectionately call them). Not a lot else.

So when my friend called this morning and asked me to go out tonight for her partners birthday I thought sure, I can eat before I go, I wont be drinking, no harm can be done!! I got home from work, had a bit of a nap so I wasnt tired (I have to be up at 4am for work), then had a shower before proceeding to stand in front of my wardrobe for approximately half an hour. This ended in me bursting into tears, flopping on my bed and refusing to go out.

I had nothing that I could wear out for drinks. My nice clothes are too small, and the clothes I probably could have gotten away with I didnt feel comfortable in. And when im not comfortable, i get self concious and wouldnt enjoy myself at all.

After having my meltdown, I made the decision that this will be the last night I will ever let my weight get in the way of having a good time. I still refuse to buy clothes in the bigger size, as im close to reaching the next size down. But at least im doing something proactive by losing weight to rectify this for the future.

Ive been meditating a lot more lately and focusing on visualising and positive thinking in my meditation. I find this helps drive me towards my goals a lot.

So tomorrow im having a wardrobe cleanout. Maybe picking out my dream outfit that I can wear out for drinks once I get back to my smaller size and putting it up in my room somewhere to give me that extra motivation.

Here is to enjoying life, no longer sitting on the sidelines but jumping in headfirst!!

Confidence...

Today, the subject of tough love was brought up on another Blog. (Thanks Gae!!) And it really got me thinking. I commented on the Blog the psychological reasons why tough love is a good thing, and thought id share that here. The subject was people playing 'poor me' yet not willing to put in the hard work to get what they are after. I commented this:

The main reasons for people to have this attitude, is that as children some of us had parents that would help us a little too much. They might not have known it, but they were really causing their children to have a certain reliance on others. That if things got too hard someone else would help them or do it for them. Also, some people with very low self confidence revert back to another very big childhood action - If you get hurt or upset, your parents would give you hugs and love and attention to make you feel better. Therefore subconciously, they relate being hurt or upset, to getting those things.
Its not the persons fault, or the parents. Its a subconcious thing, and as I said for people with low self esteem, playing 'poor me' gives them what they crave. So tough love is required to break that cycle. Because to get through life you cant be reliant on everyone else to make you feel good - you should be able to feel good within yourself!

After posting that I thought about it for a bit, and how it related to my journey. Ive always been one to give advice to others, yet rarely take it myself. If I want things in life, I have to get out there and grab the bull by the horns and take it! I cant expect a fairy godmother to hear my whinging and pop up and save me.

In the past I have sometimes blamed others for my weight gains... "While living at home mum and dad made such big meals, and had all this junkfood around the house" ... "All my friends are getting takeaway all the time, its not fair, I should be able to as well" ... and on and on.. But I think im finally on a good path now.

Ive been single for a while now. Ive spent some time alone and getting to know myself. I want this for me, not for anybody else. And im going to get it!!

Family and Friends

Had a bit of an interesting conversation the other night. I guess even though I had been thinking about where my life was going for a while, this conversation was what made me get into gear and start working on it.

We had a family gathering on the weekend, and our family is extremely close. So they are always good fun. But over the last couple of years, ive been slowly withdrawing from conversations, I dont laugh as much at jokes and just dont feel like myself. And I guess its noticable. My uncle brought this to my attention and said that I just dont seem to have the drive and the spunk I used to. He said how I used to be cheeky and confident, and like being the centre of attention. I was motivated and he mentioned how no matter what I wanted, I could find a way to get it if I put in effort. Whereas now he said I seem to have given up, I dont fight for myself anymore and my confidence has completely gone.

Now I lived with this uncle for around a year when I moved to Sydney, so he knows me very well. And although I knew all of the above, its very different when you hear it from someone else.

I guess a lot of it has to do with the fact I dont really know what to fight for anymore. I used to know what I wanted and knew how to get out and get it. But when you have no idea what you want, theres nothing to fight for. I guess it also has to do with a bit of a weight battle ive had over recent years. After losing a large amount of weight, I proceeded to put it all back on, plus a bit extra which doesnt help.

So, time to put a plan in place. I have always wanted to work in tourism, therefore I have applied for several jobs within resorts. I live in one of the worlds most beautiful tourist locations - Cairns, on the Barrier Reef. So im in a great position to get into work in this field.

On top of this I am thinking about starting a course. Just a craft or hobby, a way of meeting new people and socialising a bit.

Im also eating healthy again. If im going to give my new life 100% I need to be fit and healthy and have my body working for me.

So thats my plan for now. Will let you know how it goes :)

It all starts here...

I have had a few life altering events happen in the past 3 years. Things have been picked up, shifted around and thrown completely all over the place. There has been relocations, relationship break downs, financial worries and a general lack of direction just to name a few.

But I havent let it beat me. Its only now that I feel a positive change is on the way, so im going to go with it, and get the most out of whatever life brings! And hopefully this blog will help me along the way to figure out exactly what I want to be doing, and where I want to be.

My mum very nicely reminded me the other day im approaching the 25 year old mark. Age has never bothered me before, however now I keep thinking back to when I was 16 - and how I couldnt wait until I turned 18 so I could take off around the world, and have all those experiences that everyone else would talk about. 18 came and went... 20 came and went... and now time is going faster than ever and I havent achieved anything I ever dreamed of.

Dont get me wrong, I still have had acheivements and things in life I am very greatful for. However I wanted to much more from life. I was never the type to enjoy a 9 to 5 routine, I always wanted something different for myself. I could picture myself working for a travel company, or being a reporter that went to exotic locations, or being a photographer that was able to bring my world across to other people.

So here I start again. Exploring ideas of exactly what it is I want, and how to get it... and I look forward to you helping me along the way :)

Kayla xx