The Clothing Meltdown...

So tonight I had a bit of an 'episode'. I will call it my Epic Clothing Meltdown...

As someone that has struggled with my weight over the years, I have plenty of clothes - however most are in smaller sizes from before I put on. When I was smaller I used to go out to nightclubs and pubs reguarly. I was very social and had clothes for every occasion.

As ive gotten bigger, ive refused to buy too many new clothes in bigger sizes, adament that eventually I would fit back into the smaller sizes. This has resulted in my wardrobe being filled with work clothes, gym clothes and space bags filled with my teeny tinies (as I affectionately call them). Not a lot else.

So when my friend called this morning and asked me to go out tonight for her partners birthday I thought sure, I can eat before I go, I wont be drinking, no harm can be done!! I got home from work, had a bit of a nap so I wasnt tired (I have to be up at 4am for work), then had a shower before proceeding to stand in front of my wardrobe for approximately half an hour. This ended in me bursting into tears, flopping on my bed and refusing to go out.

I had nothing that I could wear out for drinks. My nice clothes are too small, and the clothes I probably could have gotten away with I didnt feel comfortable in. And when im not comfortable, i get self concious and wouldnt enjoy myself at all.

After having my meltdown, I made the decision that this will be the last night I will ever let my weight get in the way of having a good time. I still refuse to buy clothes in the bigger size, as im close to reaching the next size down. But at least im doing something proactive by losing weight to rectify this for the future.

Ive been meditating a lot more lately and focusing on visualising and positive thinking in my meditation. I find this helps drive me towards my goals a lot.

So tomorrow im having a wardrobe cleanout. Maybe picking out my dream outfit that I can wear out for drinks once I get back to my smaller size and putting it up in my room somewhere to give me that extra motivation.

Here is to enjoying life, no longer sitting on the sidelines but jumping in headfirst!!